Boo at the Zoo

Every year I wait 'til the last few days to go to Boo at the Zoo and it is PACKED. Next year we are going early!!!!!! They have a lot of fun there even if it is the same thing year after year. That's o.k. Anything we do as a family gets a thumbs up from me. See the look on Travis' face? You can see how much he enjoys this type of thing.

So True

I do not always agree with Anna Quindlen (she is a slightly too left for me) but when it comes to mothering, she is usually spot-on. Every new mom should read this essay. They won't believe it, but they should read it anyway. By the way, I am totally the kind of mom who would ask her kid what they got wrong if they got a 98% on a test. But I'm gonna try not to be.

By Anna Quindlen

All my babies are gone now. I say this not in sorrow but in disbelief. I take great satisfaction in what I have today: three almost-adults, two taller than I am, one closing in fast. Three people who read the same books I do and have learned not to be afraid of disagreeing with me in their opinion of them, who sometimes tell vulgar jokes that make me laugh until I choke and cry, who need razor blades and shower gel and privacy, who want to keep their doors closed more than I like. Who, miraculously, go to the bathroom, zip up their jackets and move food from plate to mouth all by themselves. Like the trick soap I bought for the bathroom with a rubber ducky at its center, the baby is buried deep within each, barely discernible except through the unreliable haze of the past.

Everything in all the books I once poured over is finished for me now. Penelope Leach., T. Berry Brazelton., Dr. Spock. The ones on sibling rivalry and sleeping through the night and early-childhood education, have all grown obsolete. Along with Goodnight Moon and Where the Wild Things Are, they are battered, spotted, well used. But I suspect that if you flipped the pages dust would rise like memories. What those books taught me, finally, and what the women on the playground taught me, and the well-meaning relations --what they taught me, was that they couldn't really teach me very much at all.

Raising children is presented at first as a true-false test, then becomes multiple choice, until finally, far along, you realize that it is an endless essay. No one knows anything. One child responds well to positive reinforcement, another can be managed only with a stern voice and a timeout. One child is toilet trained at 3, his sibling at 2.

When my first child was born, parents were told to put baby to bed on his belly so that he would not choke on his own spit-up. By the time my last arrived, babies were put down on their backs because of research on sudden infant death syndrome. To a new parent this ever-shifting certainty is terrifying, and then soothing. Eventually you must learn to trust yourself. Eventually the research will follow. I remember 15 years ago poring over one of Dr. Brazelton's wonderful books on child development, in which he describes three different sorts of infants: average, quiet, and active. I was looking for a sub-quiet codicil for an 18-month old who did not walk. Was there something wrong with his fat little legs? Was there something wrong with his tiny little mind? Was he developmentally delayed, physically challenged? Was I insane? Last year he went to China . Next year! he goe s to college. He can talk just fine. He can walk, too.

Every part of raising children is humbling, too. Believe me, mistakes were made. They have all been enshrined in the, "Remember-When-Mom-Did Hall of Fame." The outbursts, the temper tantrums, the bad language, mine, not theirs. The times the baby fell off the bed. The times I arrived late for preschool pickup. The nightmare sleepover. The horrible summer camp. The day when the youngest came barreling out of the classroom with a 98 on her geography test, and I responded, "What did you get wrong?". (She insisted I include that.) The time I ordered food at the McDonald's drive-through speaker and then drove away without picking it up from the window. (They all insisted I include that.) I did not allow them to watch the Simpsons for the first two seasons. What was I thinking?

But the biggest mistake I made is the one that most of us make while doing this. I did not live in the moment enough. This is particularly clear now that the moment is gone, captured only in photographs. There is one picture of the three of them, sitting in the grass on a quilt in the shadow of the swing set on a summer day, ages 6, 4 and 1. And I wish I could remember what we ate, and what we talked about, and how they sounded, and how they looked when they slept that night. > I wish I had not been in such a hurry to get on to the next thing: dinner, bath, book, bed. I wish I had treasured the doing a little more and the getting it done a little less.

Even today I'm not sure what worked and what didn't, what was me and what was simply life. When they were very small, I suppose I thought someday they would become who they were because of what I'd done. Now I suspect they simply grew into their true selves because they demanded in a thousand ways that I back off and let them be. The books said to be relaxed and I was often tense, matter-of-fact and I was sometimes over the top. And look how it all turned out. I wound up with the three people I like best in the world, who have done more than anyone to excavate my essential humanity. That's what the books never told me. I was bound and determined to learn from the experts. It just took me a while to figure out who the experts were.

Can you guess?

EDITED TO RESPOND TO ANONYMOUS' COMMENT: Michelle is one of my oldest and dearest friends and she is totally giving me a hard time about my unnecessary anxiety over Parker's classroom. I got the joke and loved it! And she's right--I need to lighten up. :-)

This is the Halloween countdown calendar that I made. It is a total copy of the one from Pottery Barn Kids except that mine is paper and theirs is felt. It's pretty big--probably 30 inches tall and 20 inches wide. Yes it took a long time, but I love how it turned out. Each of those squares is a pocket which is supposed to hold a piece of paper but that's where I ran out of enthusiasm for the project. Parker keeps asking when I'm going to finish. Good question.

This picture is not upside down. Can you guess what they are? Answer at the bottom of this entry.

This is Parker's pumpkin. We used my friend Jenna's idea and he drew the face on a piece of paper which I then taped to the pumpkin and carved it out. (I can't believe I never thought of that before!) Anyway, he wanted his pumpkin to be "cute." What a sweet kid. It is cute!

- I worked at Parker's school last week and he informed me that I was "slower" than some of the other moms. Then I grilled him, "what do you mean, slow?" "did Mrs. Fitzgerald tell you that?" "Did I do a bad job?" Finally he had enough and just said, "You were fine." But I don't believe him. ;-)

- I have often said that I have a Chic (remember the Chic brand of clothes) body. When I try to find more high-quality and usually expensive clothing, it doesn't seem to fit. However, Walmart and Kmart usually work out just great. Case in point, yesterday, I was shopping for jeans. I picked up several pairs of more expensive jeans and one pair of $7.00 jeans. Which fit best? The $7.00 ones. Mind you, I am not complaining. I am on a tight clothing budget so $7.00 is good. (Actually, a tight everything budget.) However, it is a little odd, don't you think!? By the way, I LOVE everything about these $7.00 jeans so I got really lucky.

- Don't you hate when you are driving and you let someone cut in front of you and they don't give you a thank you wave? I hate that.

- Last Friday Travis went to a football game so they boys and I went to get something to eat. As we were waiting in a drive through, a guy comes up to my window and asks me for money. I said I didn't have any. Then he moved to the next car. I sat there for a moment a little bit rattled. And then I realized that I had completely lost my appetite so we went home. I found my appetite but I still felt bad about that whole situation.

The answer to the question above is: They are bats hanging upside down. Duh!

Pumpkin Patch 2004

Pumpkin Patch 2005

A Special Wedding

Travis and I went to the wedding of our friend Lindy yesterday. It was one of the loveliest weddings I have been to. She was absolutely giddy with happiness. They put their wedding together in 6 short weeks and it was beautiful. If I didn't know they had such a short time to plan it, I never would have believed it. Proof that you can, in fact, have a gorgeous formal affair on a short timetable. Anyway, they did something so special and wonderful that I just have to share. Lindy is a dancer and teaches ballet and dance to children. She also teaches dance to severely disabled children. Children who are in wheelchairs and cannot communicate. Children who require around the clock care. Children who have no hope of leading much of a normal life. However, for this one special day, two of these little girls got to be flower girls in a wedding. They had beautiful dresses and fancy hair and each of them even had a tiara. I can only imagine how much it must have meant to these children and especially their parents to be included in this way. You could see how special they felt. It was all I could do to keep from sobbing because I was so touched. I think it is really neat that on a day that Lindy has been dreaming about since she was a little girl, she was willing to share the spotlight with two of her students. And I'm really glad I was there to see it.
Best wishes to Lindy and Jason!

Catching up

- I am watching What Not To Wear and I am always amazed at what an enormous change the "right" clothes can have on a person's whole being. It is so sad that we women find so many faults with our bodies. It seems that no one is happy with themselves. The skinny women wish they had curves, the heavier women wish they were thin, the tall women wish they were shorter, the short women wish they were taller and on and on. Of course, I wish I were thinner. I don't mind my height at all. However, if I were taller, I could weigh what I do and not look so heavy. If I were 8 feet tall that is.

- Parker and Jack both fell asleep around 6:30 tonight. It must have been a rough week. What did I do with this precious time? Sort out Parker's fundraising order.

- Speaking of fundraising, I volunteered to help unload and distribute at Parker's school today. It didn't seem that hard at the time, but I am hurting now! I am sadly out of shape.

- I am completely intimidated by Parker's school and the other moms. Seriously. I feel like the new kid in town. It hearkens back to my first day at Mt. Zion High School. It's the same concept--I know several people already. I even have friends there. But somehow, I don't feel comfortable yet. Like everyone else knows something that I don't. Isn't that weird? It is just my own insecurities. My solution in these type of situations is always the same--I just throw myself in and get involved and hope that I will adapt and learn and be a part of things.

- If you happen to be a Mt. Zion High School Class of 88 graduate, our reunion is going to be August 2nd, 2008. Yes, it is Decatur Celebration weekend and, yes, we planned it that way. The next step is finding everyone. Big job.

- Jack's preschool is going great. It is very different from the past few years, but different in a good way. I loved it before and I love it now. Jack loves it and is certainly learning. I hear him walking around singing, "Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday............................." Gotta love that. He is so good there too. Why can't he be like that at home????

- Our Nashville trip was awesome. I love going down there and the boys are really good travelers. I got to spend quality, talk-time with all three of my friends which is the highlight of the trip for me. Thank you, thank you, thank you to Michelle and Carmin for coming to meet me and Heather! I am sooooo lucky to have such awesome friends from high school. Love those girls so much. No matter how many years pass and how infrequently we talk, we always just pick up where we left off. Lucky me.

- Last week I had the holy grail of Kohl's coupons. Yes, my friends, the highly coveted 30% off!!! I used it as much as I could--I even made Heather take me to Kohl's in Nashville. I got a lot of good deals and perked up my wardrobe a bit. Probably with all sorts of "what not to wears" but they fit my lifestyle and my budget.

- I haven't scrapbooked in a while and I would like to because I miss it when I don't get a chance to do it. I must get some order in my life before I do anything creative though.

- I get to work in Parker's classroom next Tuesday. I am so excited and a little nervous. Mrs. Fitzgerald is like a kindergarten drill sergeant. Totally nice and Parker loves her, but she intimidates me.

- We had our very first parent/teacher conference last week. I don't think either one of us knew what to expect. Of course, we think Parker is brilliant, but what do we know? We are just his very biased parents. Fortunately, we could not have been more pleased when we left the conference. Now if only he would color and write his name. Can you be p.h.d. without writing in perfect D'nelian handwriting?

- My sweet cousin John is getting married. Hooray! He is 39, so it's about time. ;-) I'm just so glad that he found someone. Michelle will take good care of him. He and I were the best of friends when we were little. Parker loves to hear stories about our adventures. My grandma lives on a farm right next to a forest with a creek. It's like little kid heaven. I took Parker down to that creek last spring with the intention of bagging some minnows and tadpoles. However, we stood on the bridge and looked down and saw 3 snakes in the water so we just threw rocks at them instead. I hit one. Obviously I am a totally cool mom. I don't remember ever seeing a snake in the water when I was a kid. We saw plenty of snakes, but never in the water. Hmmmmm...........I wonder why?

- I feel like I am getting carpal tunnel syndrome from all this typing so I am going to quit.

Good night.

Super Stop

Parker, Jack and I went to Nashville this past weekend and we had to stop in Metropolis. They really do get a big kick out of all the Superman stuff. There is something really sweet and nostalgic about downtown Metropolis. Almost like you kind of walked into the 1950's. Anyway, we like it. On the way through the city, we saw this house. You can't really see it in this photo but they had every scary halloween decoration you can imagine. I can only imagine how creepy it is at night. And look in the bottom right corner--it's for sale! Yipes!

The Great Pumpkin Patch

My parents, Stella, Jacob, Parker, Jack and I went to the pumpkin patch yesterday. It was a brisk, fall day--perfect for pumpkins. Tracy and Ryan are in Germany for the next week so my parents have temporary custody of Stella and Jacob. I took lots of pictures of Stella, partly for her mom and partly because she so darn cute. Jacob just chilled out in the stroller so not too many photo ops there. Jack was on the move so much I didn't seem to end up with too many shots of him either. Anyway, we had fun.

Cathedrals

I happened upon this little essay on another blog. I am still mopping up my tears because this is so totally how I have been feeling about my life.

I'm invisible.
It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask to be taken to the store. Inside I'm thinking, "Can't you see I'm on the phone?" Obviously not. No one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all. I'm invisible.
Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more: Can you fix this? Can you tie this? Can you open this? Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm a clock to ask, "What time is it?"
I'm a satellite guide to answer, "What number is the Disney Channel?"
I'm a car to order, "Right around 5:30, please."
I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history and the mind that graduated summa cum laude - but now they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again. She's going ... she's going ... she's gone!
One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England. Janice had just returned from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself as I looked down at my out-of-style dress; it was the only thing I could find that was clean.
My unwashed hair was pulled up in a clip and I was afraid I could actually smell peanut butter in it. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, "I brought you this."
It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe. I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I read her inscription: "To Charlotte, with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees."
In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work:
(1) No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no record of their names. (2) These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished. (3) They made great sacrifices and expected no credit. (4) The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.
A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, "Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof?
No one will ever see it." And the workman replied, "Because God sees." I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, "I see you, Charlotte. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become."
At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a disease that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride.
When I really think about it, I don't want my son to tell the friend he's bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, "My mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for three hours and presses all the linens for the table." That would mean I'd built a shrine or a monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, to add, "You're gonna love it there."
As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we're doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women.
God Bless You as you build your Cathedrals!
-Author Unknown

My little cathedrals--a work in progress.

Christmas is October

I'm making a Halloween version of this and I can't wait to show it off. I am completely copying it from Pottery Barn Kids and I love it. Hopefully it will be done tomorrow. Just in case you didn't see it before, this is a Christmas countdown calendar and each little pocket has a tag that says something like "make Christmas cookies" "read a Christmas book" "go to McDonald's for lunch" "play with play-doh" FUN!